{EN} past, present & happiness

In the past month a lot changed in my exercise and „diet“ (I don’t like to call it that way, it’s a lifestyle, not a diet) and I think I finally found my happy lifestyle. I feel a lot better living the way I live now than ever before. Maybe it is also the happy lifestyle for you?

 Hey Loves!

When you’re scrolling to my blog you will notice that I’ve tried a lot of lifestyles already. The first one was of course the typical diet most people are raised with:  filled with meat and dairy and rather unhealthy. When I was 13/14 and 53kg I started thinking that I am fat (I wasn’t.) and that I need to lose weight (I didn’t.) so I started starving myself on about 1000cals a day and there were also days I binged, I would eat only 750cals the next day. Stupid stupid stupid me. My food plan looked like this: a really really small fruit salad (but without banana or anything high in calories) for breakfast, but I always ate it in school, so I didn’t need to have a school snack (never more than 200cals). For lunch I had something more calorie dense, like pasta or rice with a light sauce, mostly dairy based (about 500 calories) and for dinner I always had either a salad, only topped with foods not high in calories (bell pepper, mushrooms, cucumber..) and it had never more than 150cals. In between I would snack on watermelon or apples.On some days I had bread for dinner, but only one slice, topped with a drop of butter and a dead animal. Sorry if I call it this way, but that is all it was. I was constantly tired and couldn’t concentrate. At the same time I started running almost everyday and doing blogilates workouts. So I ate only 1000 a day + I burned a lot of calories through exercise. For a moderately active female between age 14-18 are 2,000 calories recommended. Nobody needs glasses to see that something went wrong back then.

It also didn’t really work. I lost a pound and gained it right back through binging. In spring 2013 (I was 15) I met my first boyfriend on a vacation and started to really eat again. It was a long distance realtionship but I still saw him every two weeks or so, I ate a lot pizza or scrambled eggs, or pasta or pancakes when I was with him, and I also ate a lot when I was home or with friends. I started taking the pill and gained 10kg so I was at about 64kg. Once I realized that I felt so fat. And I hated myself for letting me go this much. So the starving began again. Also, I got a gym membership and from now on I worked out 7 times a week, with waaay too little nutrition. I started eating more (and healthy) but still not enough. We split up in October and I lost 6kg until March/April where I met my second boyfriend. But I was weak, not a day passed without me complaining about being tired. In May I tried veganism for 28 days, vegan food isn’t as high in calories as  non vegan food but I didn’t increase my serving size, so I ate waaaay too less, I was constantly hungry but I still liked it, I especially liked that I lost weight fast. Anyway, I started eating animal foods in june again, but only for a week because I was feeling terrible, that was the moment I actually became vegan.

I lost a lot of weight the next months until I was at 55kg. Then I heard of the HCLF lifestyle and tried rawtil4. I think the lifestyle itself is great but it doesn’t fit me. I can’t eat that much fruit or food in general. 2,500 calories are recommended on this lifestyle and I ate about 1,700. I started the BBG by Kayla Itsines at the same time and needless to say I lost more weight so I hit 52kg in December. That was way to low for me (16 years and 178cm). In January my boyfriend and I broke up. After that I just enjoyed my ‚freedom‘ and stopped eating rawtil4 and started eating a lot and unhealthy again, but still vegan. I gained a few pounds, but not much. At the beginning of February I ate healthy again, still HCLF but not rawtil4. Most of the days I was at 90/7/3 (carbs/protein/fat) and at about 2,300cals. But I didn’t feel well. Food was all I could think of.

I needed to stop the BBG at week 10 in November due to an accident. So now I wanted to start again. I did the first week but I hated it. I had no fun doing it, so I stopped again. I wasn’t happy at all. Two weeks passed and I really don’t know what exactly happened but I feel so amazing now. I changed my workout routine into running three times a week (training for a halfmarathon) and a 50-minute whole body workout at the gym two times a week + blogilates when I feel like it and squats everyday, I don’t put too much pressure on myself anymore, when I don’t feel like going to the gym, then I won’t go. The only thing I’m strict on is the running, because I know I will regret skipping a run when it comes to running 21km 😛

Also, I changed my eating behaviour. I still eat high carb vegan, but not as strict anymore. I don’t care about having more fat than recommended. I like to have some nuts or a little more avocado everday, I’m eating about 70/15/15 atm, but I don’t mind if I eat more fat or more protein. I also don’t mind eating fruit after cooked food, I just do it because I like it. And I like to eat a chocolate, vanilla or caramel pudding every now and then and I don’t want to feel bad about that. I think we shouldn’t take food too seriously. Of course health and all is important. But a slice of (unhealthy) cake won’t kill you. From now on I will simply eat what I want, and usually i want to eat high carb, so I will stay on that lifestyle 😉 And another benefit I experienced: I finally get enough calories in!

This is what makes me happy and I think happiness is more important than fitting into 80/10/10 🙂

I actually weighed myself this morning (but after drinking a litre of water tho) and I was at 57.5kg! But I think my body looks a lot better than it did last year when I was at the same weight.

I’m going to do some ‚what I eat in a day’-posts soon, so you get an idea of what my food intake looks like 🙂

This is what makes me happy and I think happiness is more important than fitting into 80/10/10 🙂

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